Cowgirl Bebop

As is life...

2006-05-25T20:36:38Z

I figured I should update what's going on with my aunt, since I was very brief about her in my last post. Her surgery was this past Monday. She had a tumor on her Liver which they went in to removed. Turns out the cancer spread all over everything. Not exactly sure what they did, we'll know more later today at a meeting with the doctors. It was looking very scary for a while there, but my aunt seems to be fighting. My aunt--Cathy--some of you may or may not have met her. She lives in the room formally known as my garage.

So that's that. She's been in the Hospital since Mother's Day. As for me, again, I'm slowly being driven crazy. I need a vacation. Anyone want to go to the beach someday soon? I need to get out of the house more often. I think we should also plan a picnic. Or something, Sara, you're good at these things.

Can't think of anything else to do. But I'm planning on hitting up the www.vallygreekfestival.com this weekend. Probably on Monday, if anyone would like to join me, please by all means let me know.

Rock on...

Like sand through an hourglass...

2006-05-18T17:49:45Z

It's been nearly forever since I wrote here last, and I don't really count those snippets, but oh well. Anyway, it's been a odd past few days/weeks/months. I don't even know if there's anyone that will read this, but just in case there is for your benefit I will do a quick update of my life. I sleep, I work, and life goes on. Ok seriously, my mom has Breast Cancer--well had, now she's in recovery mode. My aunt--the crazy one--now has some type of cancer where they're going to remove part of her liver and her ovaries. I myself... well I've been in a whirlwind--still am. A lot of things have happened some for the good, some for the better, some not so good. But not everything can be good, other wise the saying "life a bitch, and then you die" would never apply. That's no fun.

No easy way to say this, so here goes. My boyfriend, Brad, lives in Mississippi. I'm going to be moving there in a few months--hopefully end of June, but we'll see how it goes. Now some of you might be thinking 'WTF' because you didn't know, but I've been planning this since last November. I've known him for about 14 months already and our one year anniversary is coming up in July. I'm very happy, I love him very much. Now you might be thinking 'Why?' to which my answer is 'Why not?' I haven't got too much else going for me with my life now, so I decided I needed a change of pace to get onto a somewhat normal pace. And, Hey, I might not like it there and be back in a few months, but at least I'll be able to say that I tried something and I was adventurous and I'm a stronger person for it. But maybe things will work out and in a few years I'll be send out some wedding invites. Yeah... in like 10 years. >,<
That's ok, because I'd rather wait and have a strong foundation built first. Some of you met him when he was here in February, most of you didn't, but Sawa and I are planning a going away party, and of course you'll all be invited. But I don't have a date yet, so don't get too excited.

So, I can't really think of other things to write, I guess I'll leave it here... and stuff.

Because.... He said so.

2005-11-06T20:04:22Z

I'm writing this because he said so. Not because I have anything of importance to say or anything like that...but just because I love him, and he said so...

Why even bother?

2004-03-29T00:27:02Z

I've been feeling anyhthing but myself. Not only am I feeling sick but I feel disgusted with myself. I've lost all or any reason to go on living. So instead I pass time working. I work all night all morning and sleep all day. The days pass and thats just fine for me. I think there is something seriously wrong with me. Monday I think I'll talk to Robert about it. He always seems like he knows everything. He's a good guy and he takes care of me. I guess he wants to make sure that I do ok. I guess he's seen to many guys at UPS come in and drop out of school and just work. I guess he doesn't want to see that from me. He told me that he wants to see my school schedual next semester. I don't know what I'm gonna take but I'll decide later. I noticed while looking through the moods that they don't have one for 'Fucked-up' cuz thats how I feel. So I went with melancholy, which is ok to use instead. But I feel so fucked up lately... but not in the drugs or alcohol sense. I just feel gross and its getting worse. Feeling lost in this world is the worst feeling ever. Nowhere to turn nowhere to run. I guess thats why I decided to talk to Robert. He doesn't know much about me, but the advice he has is what makes him a gorgeous, loving and caring person. I just wish the was a taller younger version on him. Maybe I'll even talk to Tony he has good advice too... but I donno. I hate having these thoughts. How easy it would juset be...but no I don't want to and I know I can't. Nothing would be solved anyway. I just have to deal with this shit on my own. It feels good writing this out. Even if I'll regret posting it later. But I don't care right now. I'm listening to Dido and I miss my grandma so much it hurts. I didn't think I would feel like this after so long, and I never thought that I could cry as hard as I did that wednesday before Big Bear. But I guess I can prove myself wrong again and again. I realise what I've lost and how its never going to be there. i use to tell her that when I got older and became rich and famous that she'd live with me and we'd travel the world. We'd see everything and have great adventures. It hurts to think that it'll never happen. It hurts to feel this way and it hurts to cry into a pillow and scream as loud as I can and still no one will hear. Lost in such a large world and so alone. I had a dream last night. I took my bike and backed everything I wanted into a backpack and I left this world. I rode for days and day until I found myself on the edge of an enchanted wood. In my dream I turned around to look back on the wrold I was leaving and there was nothing but darkness. So I took a step into the forest and my bike turned into a beautiful white horse who lifted me up onto his back. He carried me for days and we arrived at this pond where wildlife thrived here and there. When I got off my horse I was met by elves who took me to their queen. Right when she started to talk I woke up and was really mad, but thats ok. I wish something like that would happen for real. I could just step into a forest and dissapear from this world and become one with a different world. It's kind od funny. But its ok. I miss Teeky and I know he misses me too, he just called and I ignored the call because I don't want to talk or hear from anyone today. I also miss Noah. He's in a different class of human then me and its impossible for two classes to intertwine with eachother. thats how I feel lately as well. As if I'm in a different state and no one can reach me. Which is perfectly fine to me, since I don't want to talk to anyone. Ok so I think I have rambled much to long, and to anyone who reads this, sorry to have wasted your time, I feel like I have no time to waste. Sine I feel like shit time doesn't matter in my state of being. So I don't care. I've also realized that non of this makes sense to anyone. Oh well.

Where have I been?

2004-02-17T06:18:27Z

I've been around. Neither here nor there. Frankly, I feel a sort of awakening has gone on. In the past few weeks I feel my life has changed incredibly. I wont go into anything because this is just a post to tell Sara I love her.

For everything.

That is all.

^_^

Ode to Alex, a birthday song

2003-10-12T18:32:03Z

Ok this is the OMFG worthy song DJ wrote for me as a birthday gift. Its called:

Ode to Alex

Four years have come and gone
I missed two birthdays, if I’m not wrong
I hope you’ll forgive
Maybe even let me live
Alex

Ninth grade seems so far away
That was when we started bear hugs back in the day
You came from Nobel
Your hair’s red as hell
Alex

Alex
My favorite redhead can’t you see?
Alex
Never be as tall as me
Alex
You’re my twin, you’ll always be

Another thing I’d like to say
Hope you have a happy birthday
Alex

You made Florida way more fun
Riding on the Hulk with my hair you had done
Gigantic spoon games
Sleeping on planes
Alex

You brought me into acting and for that I couldn’t love you more
Doing scenes with you has never been a bore
Are you nervous?
Are you nervous?
Alex

Alex
My favorite redhead can’t you see?
Alex
Never be as tall as me
Alex
You’re my twin, you’ll always be

Another thing I’d like to say
Hope you have a happy birthday
Alex

Last year of high school was the best
We won second place and the same we were dressed
You got me in a trance
Because you wear those ass pants
Alex

Here we are in college now
I remember all the times we fought; I have to say “ow!”
My ass is still bruised
Cause I was abused by
Alex

Alex
My favorite redhead can’t you see?
Alex
Never be as tall as me
Alex
You’re my twin, you’ll always be

Another thing I’d like to say
Hope you have a happy birthday
Alex

Alex
My favorite redhead can’t you see?
Alex
Never be as tall as me
Alex
You’re my twin, you’ll always be

Another thing I’d like to say
Hope you have a happy birthday
Alex

I hope you have a happy birthday
Alex

THE GREATEST SONG EVER!!!!!!!!!
I love you DJ!!!

Here and There

2003-10-07T10:57:10Z

So Saturday was the super fantabulous 18th birthday party. Had mucho fun. Many people weren't there, but many more where. So it balanced well. Lots of friends lots of food. But best of all, the awesome Energy that just is there at the House of Tina. I love her. She let me use her house for an evening of fun.

Saturday morning we woke and went to Tina's to prepare. I was WAY too tired. So I was just wondering around half asleep. Went home and then got ready to go to Sara's. Showered, and pampered and got myself prettyfied. Mom did my makeup, look very good. Then we (Sara, Tess and Tariq) were off to Tina's. We were about 10 minutes late. No worries though. A bunch of people were already there listening to the almost Atma, minus Sean and plus Robert VanSomething. It was great. But because of annoying asshole neighbors they had to cut it short. *grumble grumble*

So I wandered around, making sure to spread myself evenly between people. I opened gifts in turns, without a lot of people watching. It's always an awkward feeling. Tariq drew me, and OMFG is it FUCKING awesome you can see it here:

http://www.deviantart.com/view/3295009/

Yup thats me. Its a picture of a photoshoot I did. Its absolutely gorgeous, don't you think? Tariq did an unbelievable job. I love you, man! Ari got me some fun things a wallet, Chopsticks, and a Dragon Incense holder. Very cool. George gave me my gift on my actual birthday. The first three books of The Cowboy Bebop mangas, and an ED Doll, with little Ein. Gary got me some..."PJs"... and fun ricer toys for the tire valves. ^_^
Rachel got me a "Dating for Dummies", "Yoga", and a "Feng Shui", all books. Very very cool. Learning so much about dating. If only I had known sooner. ^_^
Tess' Family got me a GORGEOUS braclet that says my name on it. Beautiful. Peyton got me a little perfume bottle, she's so cute. Tess also went in with K-L on a present. They got me a lot of neat little things. Incense, Feng Shui candles, boxers (so comfy), Orbit gum, scratchers (WON $15 bucks, YAY!), and some other fun stuff. Tina gave me a suede jackets, its so beautiful, and comfy. Looks good on Alowie. ^_^
Are handed me a little while later an Envelope. A birthday card from Noah. I almost didn't accept it. I felt so bad, he didn't have to get me anything and he did, a gift certificate to Best Buy. He is so sweet. Makes me feel so guilty. He's such a great guy. He's fun to hang out with sometimes. I missed him at the party. I really want to watch this anime called: 'Fruits Baskets' he's been mentioning, I know next to nothing about it, though. *shrugs*
My Sister, Sawa, also got me a gift certificate from Best Buy. In an undisclosed amount. O.O
DJ, OMFG, he wrote me THE BEST SONG EVER!!! In my next post I'll put up the lyrics, I'm just too tired and lazy right now. He's my twin, and I love him to death. ^_^
I love you all!!!!!!! If I forgot someone, please tell me, I don't think I did though, could be wrong though, its way too early.
So after presents there was cheesecake. YUM YUM!!!
Then lots of conversing and mingling and time to go home.
Took Tariq, Sara and Tess home. Then went to Gary's dad's house for some Way-Too-Long posponed drinkfest. But when I got there, I was really tired. We watch Tokyo Drifter and I struggled to finish but ONE Smirinoff Triple Black. Then promply after I passed out dead tired. I'm so fucking tired now. So I think I'll end it here and go off to sleep.
Oh on Sunday Night, Gary and George and I went to get Ramen then we went to NetStreet (internet cafe) and played Counter Strike for three hours. Then went home. That was lots of fun. ^_^
Well good night.
Oyasumi nasia
Bella noche
Bonne Nuit!
^_^

WHY ME???

2003-08-19T21:03:55Z

A swirl of emotions. Encumbering my thoughts and causing my head to take gulp for air. I breath and I gasp. I take it all in and I get nothing back. Its here I know, but I just... can't...extend...my...arm...enough...to...grasp...it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Probably not, considering, I'm merely scrapping the surface of what I'm REALLY talking about. But I know that those of you out there can take what it is and apply it to your real life situation and understand this emotion, this feeling that I'm feeling. It is a mix of things. Neither good, neither bad. But it all comes with experience. Not that I know all, but enough to get by.
I've learned, and thats the most important thing.
Its only good if you learn from your mistakes.
Then again, who really cares.
Now it is clear that I am rambling.

On to what I've been up to. Haven't posted in awhile. So this is it.
Over the weekend was Nick-Con, a huge party in Simi Valley. Went with Daniel, Hasen, Rachel, George, Gary, and David. They're really cool. Had a great time swimming and playing DDR. The it was time and we started with the Smirinoff Triple Blacks. I had three of those, and some of the strawberry daiquiri and I'm sitting on the kitchen floor next to the fridge with a bottle in one hand and a cup of water in the other. See I drink responsibly!!! LoL. Then we were playing drunken DDR, George and I are D-GODS!!! We're the best at DDR. No one could beat us that night. HAHAHH! Then we went inside cuz Jose had a toast he wanted to make. SO he passed out a shot of this 94 proof rum, and we toasted to good livers and sobriety. LOL, and drank it. It was really strong, but not bad. I felt so dizzy, I was passing out on George's lap. Not that I minded. ^.^
Everyone was making sure I was ok, and George keep saying: "She's Fine!"
I don't think I was at all. We then went to the jacuzzi, it was really nice, and then I went swimming, never been swimming when I was drunk. Then Gary gave me a Whiskey Sour, It was really good. The we were outside doing shots out of a JD bottle. He took two and threw up. It was funny, I had three and was fine. Then Gary, George, Jose and I were hanging out in the hallway near the bathroom, I could barely stand so I guess they were afraid I was going to throw up or something. So we then moved into the bathroom and we were resting there with blankets and pillows. LOL!
Then we felt bad for blocking the bathroom and Nick let us sleep in the bedroom. They put me in the bed, which was really just one of those inflated mattresses. So I was lying there and George got in the bed with me and Jose and Gary curled up on the floor.
Meanwhile the party was going crazy. They had a pie filing contest and karaoke. Up until like 5 in the morning. Hasen, Rachel and Daniel left and we could hear everything going on in the rest of the house. It was gross when this guy Adam ran into the bathroom across the hall from the room we were in. The next thing I hear it the retching of him vomiting, and it made my stomach clench and I got out of bed and ran into the backyard and spewed into the trashcan. It was REALLY gross, but I felt better and went back to sleep. We woke and kinda meandered around the house and after awhile of sitting we left and went to Hasen's house. Hasen had to take Jose home so Gary, David, George, Rachel and I watched the end of Shrek and The 5th Element. Then when Hasen got home we watched Shaolin Soccer, which was really really good. Then I went home, took and shower and passed out.

Yesterday, I went and picked up George from Sunland and we went to Hasen's house and we worked on my car. Bled my brakes and added brake fluid, and changed my oil. My car runs nice now. The he had to go to work, and we had an hour, so we went to Baja Fresh and had a good meal. Then I took him to work and bid him a farewell. He's going on vacation, so yea.
Then I went home and slept some more.

I had a busy day.

Tomorrow I have and interview at 9am. So wish me luck with that, I really hope I get that job. I could use it. I need a job. I need money.
^_^

Hi Rachel!

2003-08-13T00:52:27Z

Are you reading my LJ???

^_^

I love you Sara

2003-07-26T04:50:42Z

Just read the subject!

^_^

Amazing and Sad

2003-07-19T07:36:08Z

I sleep so much now. I thinks its becaue Sara is having asthma troubles and can't sleep, so I sleep for her. Its a sister thing I suppose. She seems refreshed, though she hasn't sleep more then 5 hours in the past 4 days. I love being here at the Ahmads house. I love every day. Alowie said to me today: "If any other person were to stay this long It'd be weird and I'd want to kill them. But we're so use to you thats its normal. And when you leave, its weird. Really weird."
I love Alowie. My brother. I love everyone in this family. I feel so content here.

Today was so strang. Tessica, Zoe, Sara and I went to the Mortuary to see Wes. It was so weird. It wasn't him at all. He looked so different. Tess left seconds after seeing him, and I went after her. Zoe and Sara stayed a bit longer. Then outside we group hugged. Thats when I cried. A few tears for the family. A few for Wes. But most for Tess.
After seeing many people and giving and recieving many hugs we left and came back here. Sean, Alowie, Wade, Kaelani, Paki were already here. Some more hugs and chit chat, mom fed us ... A LOT! SOOOOO GOOOOD!

The we sat down and talked and stuff. Sean and Wade were going to play at the funeral. So they wrote a beautiful song for it and were practicing it outside. Zoe, Alowie, Tess and I watched the beginning of Aladdin. Alowie has wanted to watch this movie for EVER. So we started it and then Sean came in and interupted asking for females to sing in the back of the song. So Sara, Zoe and I are singing and harmonizing in the song. Here is the Chorus:

Just try to lean on me
I know its hard to believe

Would you be there for me,
When my rivers reach the see?

Just try to lean on me
I know its hard to believe

Would you be there for me,
When my rivers reach the sea?

So beautiful! It doesn't have a name, so I call it Wes' song After we got it down (took about an hour and half), we went to Wes' families house and we played the song for them. They loved it. The grandmother started crying and I almost did too. We left there and I took Zoe home and then came back here.

Tomorrow we're meeting here at 10:30 to practice the song then at 11:30 we're going to the place and doing a sounds check. I'm really glad I'm doing this. Its like the last thing I can do, ya know?

Its strange but He would really like it to.
Well must be up early so I'm going to bed now.

A week of energetice, great fun! Avec my sister!

2003-07-11T05:42:49Z

OMG! This whole week has been awesome. Starting on Monday Sara and I went to Bennigan's near the Glendale Galleria. I've been to them before and they have really great food. Its a good Irish restaurant. I wanted to apply there, because I'm poor and I need a job. So I filled out an application, but they told me to come back on Tuesday. So after we ate we left and we walked around that area. Theres a nice borders and plenty of little shops. We got Boba drinks and headed down the street and found a gorgeous used bookstore. Everything was 50% off of an ALREADY cheap price. So I got a little French book, because I'm planning a trip to France. That or I want to go study abroad there. Learn French fluently. That would be great. So after all that walking around we left and went back to Sara's house and had Chai tea (YUM!!!). Then I went home because I had things to do. So the next day (Tuesday) We went back to Bennigan's so I could turn in my application and I talked to the manager and there wont be an opening till August. So thats fine, but till then I'm going to work at the movie theatre. I don't really want to. But its cool, Sara and I are going to go apply on Saturday and they hire anyone, so thats an almost guarantee. After we turned in the application, Sara and I ate at The In-N-Out there, which is really crazy. Then we walked around the Glendale Galleria and we went into lots of stores we couldn't afford. It was fun though. After we left and headed back to Sara's house we had some dinner, and had chai tea on the back patio. We got into a great conversation with Sara's father about everything. From food to politics and the economy. Its was wonderful, and we talked till 2 am. It was crazy and we fell asleep. Then the next day we woke, had breakfast (coco puffs) and then I had to skadoo home to take my dog to the groom, so he could get groomed. Then I went home to clean my room a bit. Then I picked up my dog, took him home (he looks soooo very cute) and then I went on, back to Sara's house for more chai tea (4 cups) and more conversing with her father. He is an all knowing source of information and knowledge. He is so interesting to talk to. Sara is smart like her father, I love her. We have so much fun together. Today, (Thursday), we woke early and got ready and went to run some errands which ending at Out of the Closet, a cheap thrift store. Sara got these great pants for cheap and then she cut them to make short pants. It was so great. Then from there we took Topanga Canyon over to the beach and we went to Venice and walked around, after finding a Fabulous parking spot. We walked all around and bought little Asian trinkets. Then walked more and as Sara went to hand a Troubadour 3 quarters, another troubadour got mad and then they started arguing. Two troubadour bums fighting over a spot along the Venice walk. It was very amusing. We ate cheese fries at a cafe and as we walked on from there we got ice cream (very good. Two scoop: Pistachio nut and chocolate chip cookie dough. In a waffle cone). Then we went back to the car and drove on to 3rd Street Promenade where we went shopping. We went to Urban Outfitters and I got (after splurging) a pair of capri cargo pants and this decorative drape, or wall hanging thing. Its and Irish flag and in the middle says: Made in Ireland. So we walked on for another few hours and finally left around 3pm and went home where we fell asleep until 8 and we got up and made a delicious pizza and had chai. And this brings us to my present position in front of the computer at Sara's house (my house too. I've been adopted!!!). This seems an appropriate place to leave off.
HAve a great night all.
Oyasumi Nasai!
Bonne nuit!
^_^

I'm back!

2003-07-03T18:06:21Z

Went to Texas over the weekend. Left last Thursday (6-26-03) and got back yesterday (7-2-03). I was visiting my relatives and having a great time. Took Verdi with me. We had fun. Did some fun things and ate at some grubbin places.
So that was fun.
Now that I'm back I need to call Pierce so I can sign up for my placement exams. Sara! You need to help me with that. Its a scary place. I'm afraid of life after high school. Doing ok now. But I'm afraid it'll change. Sara, we also need to plan our trip, ok? The one across the ocean to the island (wink,wink). That will be fun.
So yea!
And all that Jazz...

Why do bad things happen to me?

2003-06-24T02:07:27Z

He was all alone. He came from nowhere wanting love. He was a stray and he just wanted to find a home. He came to me. Why me? Why my house? Maybe if he went somewhere else things would be different. We fed him and he seemed to be doing just fine. But this morning he wasn’t doing too well. So I took him to the vet to get him checked out. They thought he might have Leukemia. They said to fix him, and find out what was wrong, would be very expensive. So there was only one plausible thing to do. So I said my painful goodbyes to a tiny kitten who just needed love and a home. He looked up at me, lying on my shirt I used as a blanket, with these big kitty eyes and it was as if he was asking me not to leave me. I couldn’t look at him, I started crying and I felt so stupid, he was just a stray that happened to find me. Why me? Why not someone who would not likely fall in love with him? Its not fair! I could do nothing. If only I had taking him in sooner or not taken him with us. I fell in love with the little guy, gave him a name and everything. Everyone loved him and it was my entire fault. He’s gone now and there’s nothing I could do. But it’s still my fault, because I wanted him to be mine. They say cats have nine lives. It’s a load of crap. I thought it would be easy too. Feed him, give him water and a place to sleep and I couldn’t even do that. Why do bad things happen to me? Why do bad things happen to anyone?

Kitten

2003-06-22T07:02:58Z

This Kitten arrived on my doorstep on Thursday morning. He's this tiny black kitten without a home. So we took him in, but because of our two dogs (that are pure evil) we can't keep him. So I asked around and Wade said he would "foster" him (now named: 'Little Loco'). So until I can find a home for myself he will hang with Wade-Head. Then I will love 'Little Loco' as my own.
=^.^=

Graduating!!!

2003-06-19T05:44:05Z

I'M GRADUATING TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After all the work I've done, and the shit I've gone thru I will graduate tomorrow. I'm so proud of myself for this accomplishment that I could celebrate by killing my brother. j/k
Well...
j/k
well...
never mind.
I'm going to go sleep and prepare for tomorrow
^__________^
Bella Noche

Frustrated...completly frustrated

2003-06-18T05:14:58Z

I have so many things to say..I'm so frustrated with myself. I can't stop thinking. I'm so stupid. These thoughts, every time I get into something I love. I start thinking...why to I deserve it? What have I done? Am I worthy? Why would someone feel like this ... for me? I've been told I'm special ... I think it's all crap. I'm not special ... I'm evil, I do terrible things. I get into trouble, and I have to be difficult. I frustrate people easily, and get kicks from it. I should just dissapear. Leave for awhile...alone to my thoughts ... till they eat me alive and I end up killing myself over futile things that are stupid. Its shit. Here I am complaining about these things. Making a big deal about things that mean nothing. I should simply appriciate what I have and quit being selfish. I am selfish. I'm selfish for thinking these things. I'm sick and tired of fights ... that came from nowhere. If I kill my brother ... will I get caught? Anyway ... I'm going to go dwell on these thoughts further and sleep on it. I'll probably feel different in the morning.
Oyasumni Nasai
Bonne nuit
Good night
^_^
"4 3 2 1 ... Like the barrel of a gun ..."

Just another Sunday

2003-06-16T06:11:18Z

I woke up feeling odd. Just odd. Some what numb and oblivious to the world. I woke up feeling like I didn't know where I was, or who I was. I thought that perhaps I was dead. Then I thought that I was dreaming. My vision was fuzzy and I couldn't see clearly. I could hear my radio in the distance, I believe it was the Bongo Song playing. Then I closed my eyes, and in what seemed like a second I woke again, and everything was normal.
I didn't do much today. Downloaded a bunch of songs for my road trip to Texas. I'm really looking forward to it.
I'm also looking forward to camping next weekend.
I'm also looking forward to graduation. I really struggled this year with my classes. Your last year is supposed to be easy, but it wasn't for me. It was hard and I wanted to just give up so much. But I had so many people making me continue. Drama took a toll on me, I am so physically and mentally exhausted. But I look forward to these little trips of relaxation. I can't wait to be on the farm again in Texas, to feel at home. To be riding on the back of my horse and ride for hours. That is contentment.
Well I'm going to go sleep.
Good Night all!
^_^

The Atma Show

2003-06-14T20:56:39Z

Last night was the Atma show. It was so much fun, the club people liked them so much that they payed them and invited them back. It was really great. We were all hookahing it up and chilling and just being layed back. It was fun. There were a lot of people there, people I knew and people I didn't. A lot of alumni from Chatsworth and some soon to be. Hasen and some anime club people were there, I haven't seen them forever. Noah was there too. I gave him a nice long hug, he always was a good hugger. His hair is getting longer too, it suits him very well. Mike O'Malley was there too with Ali.
Its strange how I only mentioned my ex boyfriends. Is that a bad thing?
There were other people too, but I don't care to mention them.
Seeing them made me miss Nick even more. I don't know how long I can go without seeing him. Frankly, I don't want to find out. It's been 13 days and it feels like an eternity. Its not fair.
After the show Sara and I went to Sean's, but had to leave shortly after due to parental anger, but then we went to Del Taco on the way home (they messed up my veggie order...*grumbles*). Got home and WW3 happened. But me and Sara rode through and ate happily on her bed. That was fun. Then we slept and slept in and I missed Alana's graduation, but I got her a good gift.
Now I'm going to the mall to go shopping. That will be fun.
...and some day I will fly away, thats right...till then I'm just doing time...

New Journal

2003-06-13T23:56:37Z

I've never done one before. Everyone else has one so I jumped on the bandwagon so I can be a sheep like everyone else.
Noah gave me the code, so I have him to thanks (domo arigato gozimasu Wanhala-Sensai)
You ever get a chance to speak your mind and your heart and you want to say all these things and you've spent weeks and months thinking what your going to say, then the moment comes and goes and you were too nervous to get out any of the words you wanted to say? That happened to me yesterday. I was so prepared. But I couldn't breath when I need to speak. I felt awful. I feel awful. The chance was perfect and never again will a chance like that be so perfect. One day maybe...
Yes...and this is all true!
This is so nifty. Once I get a hang of this it'll be awesome. Sara says she'll help me get started and such, it should be fun.
I've been reading this book, started today, called God's Debris by Scott Adams. Its been making me think all day and I've been having this revelation. I want knowledge. I've decided what I want most out of life... Knowledge.
Its strange I'm in a strange mood. I want so much.
But I need to mellow out and get ready for THE ATMA.
Well I'm going to go entertain myself.